Surrounded by Sluts and Bitches ...

Fuck you, prancing around with your perfect idea of Love and what it encompasses and what it means to have. You're a goddamn hypocrite. You're a childish piece of shit that doesn't understand a single thing of what it is to be in love. Hell, I've been in two joke relationships and I know fuck-loads more than you even let on.

There are no good women left. They lie either in the grave or live on another planet.

Nice guys finishing fucking last again.

Whatevs.

I really should get on here more considering no one really sees these posts (no one important anyways). Tumblr is full of dumb-ass people spunking over "love" and making all these stupid posts about "OH... I'M THERE FOR YOU" herrderr. God damn. It's all I ever see people reblogging. They also really hold themselves higher than any other site on the internet because apparently it's  a place that's safe and you can be yourself or some crap like that, going so far as to have these 'rules' (similar to Fight Club) where rule number 1 is don't talk about Tumblr. Well someone must've screwed up cause now I know about it... Their reasoning for this is because they don't want people, particularly the Facebook crowd, climbing aboard. Sorry to mind fuck you guys, but you're no better than what you claim them to be. *exhale* All of this screamed to my friends' faces in my head.

Anywho, now that that's out.. uhh, today is April 10. My birthday was 3 days ago, April 7. :) I'm 20 now! Yayy! Gone with those ridiculous teen years... *phew* What a time that was! Not much has been going on. My life continues to be a big bore. Nothing really has changed. I'm helping a friend go through a breakup. He's taking it kinda rough, but he'll make it, no worries. Just gotta keep reminding him about the future and the good things it'll bring. Empty words, though, because of my ironic view of the future... but I'll save that for another day.

A few things I am looking forward to though:

• moving out as soon as FUCK.
• getting more tattoos!
• getting a job soon hopefully.
• meeting a nice lady.

Just a few things to keep me going. I promise I'll get on here more, I guess it's just nothing of note has happened to log down. Oh well, I'll try my hardest to keep up!

So I watched this movie today called The Fountain starring Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz. It tells the story of 3 very similar men who all live in different time periods: the first, Tomas, lives in 500 A.D.; the second man,Tommy, lives in the year 2000 A.D.; lastly, there’s Tom who lives in the year 2500 A.D.

There are two prevalent themes that show during this movie, love and immortality/eternity, the latter stemming from the former. It’s movies like these that I both love and hate because they offer exactly what I want at the price of (ironically) bringing me back to reality. 

It’s hard to talk about these themes and referencing the movie because there are many things going on in all three of these storylines and they’re all interwoven into one tragic love story, so I’ll just talk about how I feel about these things, since watching this film has got me in a sullen mood. Again.

Love. The so-called mightiest of all the emotions, the one that prevails even in the darkest of times, the conjoiner of two beings. To me, Love has lost a significant amount of it’s meaning. Being a kid I used to think it was pure along with a lot of other things. Now that I’m older though I see it for what it really is: a placebo. It’s a drug comparable to alcohol. It’s something we rely on in place of the real world. A hyper-real euphoria. I don’t see how people get so worked up and revel in the idea of Love. Love is over-glorified. It’s certainly not as great as people make it out to be. Besides, the greater you obsess over Love the greater it back stabs you in the end. Let’s be real. It’s all a lie. A damn fairytale. 

Immortality/eternity. I don’t think many people would welcome eternity. They are grounded by physical, perishable objects. What I’ve come to realize is that no one thing is eternal; nothing lasts forever. I feel I have abandoned these tangible attachments. If you become attached to something and it eventually vanishes or disappears from you, you feel pain and loss. Why become attached in the first place? To experience it and have the thought of knowing it was there only to have it taken away from you? The only thing I feel I can hold onto now are thoughts and ideas, even if they’re only here as long as I’m here. They’re the only thing that’s unchanging and won’t erode away. That makes them the only thing worth attaching to. 

I would gladly welcome the chance for immortality with it’s ever-changing horizon and the possibility of leaving everything behind. The future has always held mystery and to be able to really know what happens. Do we as a species branch out and explore the cosmos? Do we come into contact with other sentient species? And what happens at the end of time itself? A Big-freeze? Does time repeat itself? Immortality would also ultimately allow me to do something that I love, watching. It would grant me an infinite amount of time to just sit and watch as things unfold, something I enjoy.

So yeah, this is how I feel about some of this stuff. Thought I’d share something after watching that movie. Damn it was good.

Also, got some new briefs. Brightly colored ones.

So the worn machine that is my life keeps going on. What it does is repetitive. A single action that serves no real purpose. It does it's job when it's no job at all. It's a simple, suspended wheel that sits in one place, spinning for fucking eternity. Sitting, spinning, over-and-over, going nowhere. For the ten-millionth time this feeling has blown over my like a slow moving raincloud: life going nowhere, my rotting shell of a body sitting in the same spot for hours upon days upon weeks, no change of scenery, and other shit I just can't think up right now because my mind is.. I dunno.. I just can't think straight.
I want to get out of this place, but I need money for that.
I need money, but I don't have a job.
I would like a job, but having a car would make it so much easier because of where I live.
I should have a car, but I don't have money and where a kid would normally get a car from their parents, I don't because my parents are poor.
My parents are poor because they're not parents, not even adults. They're still 5 years old, bickering and fighting, unable to understand cooperation and what it means to be responsible.
Now, one is still a drunk and the other chasing a fairytale.

The logical course of action at this point would be to get my act together and DO something. But I can't. I've always been the type of kid to wait and see. I guess the trouble here is, have I waited long enough? Or do I just need to wait it out a little longer? Sometimes I wish I'd just hurry up and die. Like hell I'm ready to take on life.

In other news, I got a haircut, gonna get some tattoos this weekend (hopefully!) along with some new clothes!
:)

Change is on the horizon ..

   Whoever smelt it, dealt it! And, ladies and gentlemen, I am the one who most certainly dealt it. That's right, ME! You're probably wondering "whhu?" well, allow me to explain.
   Well, as with any child growing up in the information era, I've experienced what it is like to be a part of the social networking craze that everyone follows. Like bovines to the slaughter, it has taken me this long to realize how stupid and silly that shit is. Maybe I'm being a little harsh because it has helped me with connecting with old pals and even making new ones... but, now I am seeing what it's doing to me, in any spare time I get I just head to Facebook and look... nothing else really. I'll even just close it, only seconds later to open it again and see if anything has changed. It's almost like some.. drug of sorts and I need to break away from it.
   I've been wanting to do a blog/eJournal kinda thing for a while now. I have a Tumblr but it's kinda stupid what it's turned into also: 4chan's quieter, polite, baby brother who thinks it's special and pretends to be all kool and collected when it's actually a wannabe (at least, based on what I've seen from what my friend has shown me). That is why I shall use... ta-da! Blogger ..blogspot... whatever. To be honest, I'm not sure if Blogger is the same way as the other sites.. I just want a place where I can speak freely and without people following what the "trends" are on other websites.

   Maybe I'm sounding stupid in my choices and what I want or how I'm going about doing this. But I don't give a shit. I don't care what you think, what my friends or family (lol wut) think, and I don't care what that random person checking out this insignificant blog thinks. The only thing I want right now is a place to gather my thoughts and feelings on things I experience without having felt annoying with all "the background noise" if you will.

   So, without further ado, let's drink to change! (I don't drink alcohol FYI.. just pretend what I have in my glass is wine or something)

:)

First post.

Test, test, test.

lalalala

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